Sometimes with the new me and my sexuality, things can just plain overwhelm me..  This will usually comes front and center with my dealing with the younger people in life.  By this I mean younger women.  Probably ages 35 on up.  They are younger and I am older, yet I am not.  And this tears me apart.  Not that I regret my age and wish I was young or am jealous of their age, but that I can't find my age anymore.  It disappeared and I have no idea of how to find it again.  This started to leave me in Florida a little over two years ago.  Actually it was in May at Orlando.  All these are days that have gone by.  They have been left behind with all my other  yesterdays.  By saying this I mean that my sexuality started to change then.  This was the start of this new me.  It has grown and I have grown with it.  I really don't know the woman I used to be.  She was more mellow, and I am that cat on a hot tin roof that I always knew that I was inside.  My mind is sharper than it has ever been in my life.  I have a husband that goes sexually wild for me as, you see, he too, has forgotten his age.  He will not be able to perform as often sexually as I can, for he is a man.  But for me it is anytime and anyplace and I love it...Oh, how I love it......
 
What I am talking about has nothing to do with Alzheimer's or any other kind of old age disease.  I am more alert than I have ever been in my life and this is another fact of my new self..  It is this  awakening in me as a woman, that is bigger than anything anyone could imagine.  I have no doubts that if I talked with someone who may be gifted in the knowledge of the true sexual awakenings of some women, that they would know what it is that I am talking about.  Perhaps this way I would be able to get a better idea of this road I am traveling through life.  For me it is an unpaved road.  Each turn is different and try as I may, I just can't find the map that shows me where this will lead me.  This is big, but I must retain my anonymity.  This is more important to me than anything.   I was always a great lover as a wife  but not like this.  If every woman was like I am, then the whole bunch of us would be in bed making love to our men all the time.  Whatever it is that I have caught, I just don't want it to go away.  I believe this is part of the  reason that I have  been able to change  a man back to youth.  He is something else..... 
 
This is the first time I have come out on this site telling of the hell that I have gone through in my life of  posting at different places in the past few years.   I live in so much fear of this unknown happening when a stranger could come out with a cruel remark about my age or where I make up the stories and this has been the most difficult thing to handle in my life. It really is the memory of what happened that tears me apart.  Maybe by writing this, I will be able to let this go to proceed in life and forget these people who were so full of hate and wanted to hurt.  I have come across jealousy from  women and in ways I can understand this.  They do not understand how I am the way I am..  Some women can be cruel...Believe me I know this.  I have talked with friends and they say that this is because they just don't understand what has happened to me.  But it hurts.  I often wonder why people are like this, but they are.  It was the things that they said about me when they refused to believe that a woman could be like this at this age that would send me into confusion.  I was told on a posting site that I was showing signs of Dementia, having Alzheimer's and just a dried up old prune of a woman.  This was posted before many people.  Truthfully, I did not know what to say when I read these words in front of me.  I was floored.  First, the cruelty of the words, and second because they were allowed to be there. This just plain tore me apart.  Yet I fought back.  Why I don't know.  I should have run, but to me that would have been admitting that I was what they said was true.  I just could not run.  I am who I say I am and I am proud of it.  But in the end I ran and hid and cried from the inside and tried not to show the tears.  Then this stubborn woman came back out battling them, and finally has been able to turn them into  a nothing in my mind.  This is  probably what they are.  They had their shinning moment in time all at my expense where everyone could join in with their jokes and words, yet they could not put me down.  I stand tall and I will the rest of my life. The confusion and hurt from this has been big.  Real big.  Maybe this site is my safe haven after all...Yet saying this, the inner me is such a fighter that I just don't know.  This has been so confusing and now add to this a sexual woman who loves to get it on all the time....

 

I have talked  with my friend Dr. Patti, about this quite a few times.  I  talk to her  every couple weeks and sometimes have stretched it out to three weeks.  I guess I can see the light at the end of the tunnel with talking with her,but I will always be in contact with her.  She is truly part of who I am.  I love her very much and I know the feelings are reciprocated.  She and I and my husband have met, hugged and had brunch together.  She will always be so special with me...I am gradually finding out that  I am pretty darn OK with the hot woman that I am.  A lot of the time she and I will just talk dogs or life but she is one cool cat.  But mainly about my sexuality...I just love her to death.  She has asked me so many times, especially after I had gotten beat up at the Forum " why do you go to these sites.  You have such a great site to go to and write of your wonderful life plus so many people that read your writings, yet you go places where you know you will be murdered".  She said "you know this will happen  because you always tell them that you are older than anyone there and this bothers you from the moment you sign on".   You see she knows that I refuse to hide my age.  As far as going to the sites, I have wondered this myself..  I have tried and tried to come up with the answer for this  and just couldn't find it.  I wondered if I was going through some kind of a second childhood or something then all the sudden last night when I was debating if I was ever going to post at a site again it hit me.  I knew why I went there.  And it made sense.  To me it was the real reason........My reason and answer is that "I felt that I was the same age as they were"......Not in chronological age but in sexual age as I have reverted completely sexually to a woman in her 50's and sometimes younger. My inner self wants  to be f**ked, rocked, eaten and am as sexual as they do.  Maybe more than many of them.   So I am their age and just don't know how to be my age with the hot actions of a younger woman live inside of me...This has nothing to do with my mind not being able to handle life and my aging, it has to do with my brain power and mind being able to understand and grasp things that I never have grasped before.  With this has come a new and so hungry thirst for knowledge and a me that I have never known before.  Only a person who is gifted in the knowledge of a sexual woman and what can happen to her at this age would understand what I am saying but believe me,  I know what I say is true.  It frightened me for the longest time, but now with my new acceptance comes less fear.  More grasping of life and more able to understand that this is a gift that I have been given and to make the most of it.  That is why I write of my life.  I knew that I wanted to write within a month after this started to hit me.  All of the sudden my fingers would fly through the keyboard with all I felt inside and I did not know why and I still don't.  It is who I am.... 

 

I have never been so honest about myself and gone as deep as I have in speaking of who and what I am as in this blog.  Now may I add, I like it....I like what I wrote.  I like the new me...I like to think that  maybe by your knowing a bit more about me, that you will know just a bit more about you.....You know that we are all women and truly all wired the same way....We just get the wires mixed up sometimes....Lord, I love life and love and sex and my man and you can tell I just got eaten out this morning....rode his tongue too.....and had doggy ...it is a very good day and you can tell I am adding this the next morning when I am editing it....

 

Being this way is rough.  So many women do not like me, but I must not think in the negative and instead say that so many do like me too.  I wish I had a dollar for all the women and men that have written me telling me of how much they love me and how much that I have helped them in their sexual life.  These are the things I must think of in my life........These are the good things about me and what I can do to help women..........I am indeed blessed and I have this great stud walking down the sexual path of life with me..........Much love to everyone and please take care..... Please have a blessed and Happy Holiday Season....xox Caroline