"Torn Between Two Lovers"...The Hell On Earth That Many Women Face...It's A Humbling Experience In Life...One That Changes You Forever...Maybe What Helped Make Me Who I Am....

This is a blog that has probably been waiting forever for me to do...It is an unsettled part of my mind that has been deeply stirred...Maybe the happening is from my being at a Forum the last few days where I did not belong...It was not my regular ehealth, but another Forum....I had gone to this site maybe about a year ago...This was a site where I could talk about life...Especially the sexual life where I try to stay away from at ehealth...There, I am primarily a health Moderator and I love it...Not that I couldn't make some good posts, but that it is best this way all the way around...I happily accept this fact of life....While I ventured into this site I found a few things that disturbed me...That being the vast amount of posts on women having affairs...There are probably many on ehealth too, but like I said I generally don't go to that area.....Either way this was on my mind this morning.........

Later this morning we went to the post office and out to lunch...While my husband was in the post office the song "Torn Between Two Lovers" played on Sirius...I had heard it before and knew the words well...Yet for some reason today I heard them in a different way...They were talking to me...They were saying talk girl...Talk to women about life...You know the hell that can come out of something like this act of passion....You also know the pain....And I do...And I will....This is why I am doing this blog....

I guess more than anything that it is this pain of life in my days gone by that prompts this blog...Not that I am shutting it out of my memory, but instead wondering....Wondering why would a woman with everything that I had going for me stoop this low and let this happen with a man of his age and married...I only say that I am glad it happened as it awoke a part in me that scares the devil out of me...But, really that thought brings no comfort....Just a half assed excuse....I still wonder, why was I so weak?...I didn't even know sex at that time....I was 20 years old and sexually stupid...My husband-to-be had not even ventured to this precious part of my body....Yet I let a man 30 years older than me invade my body and showed him all that I was as a woman...

Looking back at this I wonder was I overwhelmed?....Bull crap I was in heat...We had gone to the bar across the street after work for couple drinks...so this is to be my excuse...I knew what I was doing when I went...I was hot to trot and had every chance of resisting his advances...When we came back to the office later and into the back room, I let him lift me up on a table and take my bra off...Suck on my boobs and then spread my legs and pull up my skirt...I can't remember if I took my panties off or not...All I know is when he licked and fingered my p*ssy I just about died from the thrill of what was happening...The woman inside of me that was being brought alive shook with the pleasure of this new treat of dirty passion...Things in life I never knew were now wide open before me.....He complimented me like mad and well he should...I was a cheap trick....I let him finger and suck me until I had my fill.....Thinking back I know that I was wrong and never should have let this happen, but it did....And I can see if this happened to me and I was tempted, then I can see how other women can be tempted...They can feel this new feeling erupt high up between their legs...I am not talking about their clit, I am talking about their cu*t that is crying out for filling.... I believe this is the story of so many affairs happening......This place inside them is calling out to this man they are involved with....Go inside me...That is my hot stop...Hell with the clit...Deeper is where my passion lies....It is the hottest eruption of sexual happiness that is possible for a woman....That alone is why I can feel the pain of so many women.... Sure there is right and there is wrong and then there is the apple on the tree and it seems so easy to take a bite....so we do...Die slowly, but that passion we have found is oh so wonderful ....

This experience in life has given me the benefit of knowing women more that many, many people...I have lived both places...My husband is my lover and is in a league all his own....But even though my boss and I did not complete the sexual intercourse act, too much happened that never should have happened...It simply tore me apart...Our marriage faltered...It took me 6 months after marriage until my husband and I really made hot sex....Before that time I turned off my oral sex that he had done to me before...I became confused...Became pregnant early and couldn't put the dots together in our marriage to make it right...Patti, said this was not an affair, but I question this...I was engaged...It quit about 6 weeks before I married and shortly before my husband got out of the service...I wanted it to stop earlier and he wouldn't leave me alone....As I write this I wonder if it was finally getting away from him and quitting that I finally found myself...

It's funny now writing of something that happened long ago, but it happened....It changed my life forever....At the time it was profound...They were friends of my parents...I acted like a cheap trick...But then maybe other women do too....For this experience in life I will always have an understanding of my sister woman....Not that she is right, but an understanding...Take care, Caroline...

I will edit this Wednesday and do the other post Thursday...